Houseguests

Right now, as we speak, I am hosting a houseguest for an undetermined amount of time. As of this post, he’s been over for about three weeks now. He’s a good friend in need of a good place to stay until he figures out his own housing situation, but I must say, having a houseguest changes a lot of things in one’s life. It modifies every aspect, down to sharing a bathroom when you’re used to being totally alone.

For one thing, mannerisms and different cultural issues pour out into the open when you’re housing a guest. For instance, I am a bit of a recluse when I am thinking. I go into a mode of silence, put on some Tony Bennett or Jamie Cullum, and I relax, and I let my thoughts pour out onto paper or into thin air. It clears my mind. (It also tends to help that I have a cup of coffee present at all times during my thought periods). He, however, tends toward the talkative side of thinking out issues and problems. He talks through everything, and I mean everything, until he verbally reasons it all out. It’s minor, I know, but it can be an annoyance when you’re used to total silence.

Another thing that I’m having an issue with is our differences in geekiness. He’s a Trek fan, I’m a Star Wars nerd. As far as nerds go, those two shows are mutually polar. So, I have barely any nerd talk to share that he gets, he has little that I get. It’s a bit of a nuisance.

What I’m learning about myself is that when I am forced to adjust, however, it creates a difficulty for my mind to break through. If I’m reading something, and something I thought was right was proven wrong, I have no problem adjusting. I am prepared and ready to change my mind. When it comes to my own mannerisms and cultural issues, however, I am rarely willing or able to change them unless it’s of my own free will. I guess it is a reason why I am not easily controlled. Manipulated, yes, but not controlled. I am having serious issues that I’m trying to work through.

Truth be told though, these are good issues. I need to work through these things if I am ever to get involved in a relationship (which I am happy to say is more than just a long-shot possibility at this point), so having them come up with a friend, rather than a romantic involvement. Can you imagine if I was involved, having these issues? I’d be the definition of a bad boyfriend.

Alright, sorry for the filler post. Next post will be sufficiency, pt. 2.

Long Time, No Post

I believe that someone somewhere has said that haste makes waste. Well, in my haste to enjoy life, I’ve been neglecting you all. I’m sorry. Life’s been really really busy these past few days, and I offer my utmost apologies. Besides, my writing has suffered because of it, as well, so I’m a little rusty.

I guess a small update is in order. Sufficiency, pt. 2 is almost done. I’ve got my thoughts formulated and ready to write, and it should be up tomorrow. I went back out on another date last night, with someone who I can really talk to. Without wearing my heart on my sleeve, I could honestly see falling in love. Not yet, of course, it’s still early, but I could see it. That scares me and excites me at the same time. I’m hoping, I really am.

School is interesting. I have some tests coming up, so I’m hoping they all go well. I also have a few term papers to write, and I need to start soon. I have a while, of course, but I want to be sure I have them all done. I want an all-A term.

I finally got back into writing stories. My lit course is introducing me to elements of stories I had never seen before. Elements of symbolism, character archetype, simile and metaphor, the complexities of words that I had no clue about. I, of course, had some idea that they existed, but not at the depth that is found in the literary greats. In short, expect to see some new postings over at Storyspark soon. (not too soon, though, because the promised followup is coming!)

See you soon!

Development

I love college; it really is the best place for me. Academia gets me thinking. Tonight, while I was reading my homework on Adolescent Development (something I am intimately familiar with), I wondered, what is development? I mean, we can define it like the book does, in the growth of an individual, and according to mere semantics, that much is true. In the philosophical sense, though, what is development? Is it mere growth, or is there something more to it?

Psychologically, of course, development is the growth of the mind and of the body. Beyond that, though, what is part of it? Maturity is accounted for scientifically, but is there something more to it all? I think that there is. I am a believer in the metaphysical, the underlying current of all life. Is the development of life really the outpouring of the metaphysical into the physical, the “collective unconscious” pouring into a single consciousness?

I think that Jung’s explanation of the collective unconscious, the body of knowledge seemingly stored in the metaphysical realm of existance, seems to explain a lot of the philosophy of development. We know that maturity comes with time, what we do not know is how we define it. Responsibility, intelligence, a desire to improve the self, a seeking of a greater purpose than pure hedonism, all of these things are supposedly the hallmarks of maturity, and in any society regardless of religion these things are valued above the self. These values are seemingly universal, and maturity can be defined as the looking beyond the self to see the needs of self and others in context — big picture thinking, to use a metaphor.

With this definition, which I believe to be universal, I can suppose that this is part of the collective unconscious; that this is maturity. Of course, a statistical distribution exists, and no true certainty can be made, but for the most part, this is development. If the collection of this knowledge is all that it takes, why does it always come during the periods of physical growth? Childhood development is a natural progression from self to others, when facilitated properly. This is what puzzles me still; development is so odd in its’ glory.

As I did with the post on Sufficiency, I wish to ask you all: what are your thoughts on this issue? What is development to you?

Please note, I’m not nearly done with this post. (I’m still drafting Sufficiency, pt. 2, after all). I just want some input to think upon.

Hit By A Speeding Meme

I finally got tagged. Yes, the tag of the Meme. “Six Weird Things About Me.” Thanks, Ashish!

1. I refuse to wear a ring on my ring finger. I wear my class ring on my middle, and my Scottish pride ring on my thumb.
2. I am a self-declared Star Wars expert. I have (literally) thousands of dollars invested in Star Wars memorabilia and literature, and can answer most questions about the Star Wars universe.
3. I still play with Play-Doh.
4. I have a photographic memory for everything but names. Why not names? I don’t really know.
5. I can’t scream above a shout. If I do, my voice cracks like a pre-pubescent teenager asking someone out.
6. Before age 18, I never participated in a party game more risque than “Whose Line” games.

Ok, now the Tags:

1. ScorpioMoon
2. justjoann
3. Christina (I don’t care if Ashish did it, I’m doin it too!)
4. anna (post it in the comments if you like, )

I’m not naming six. These are the people I would like to see who’d do it (and they’re my only repeat bloggers,

Have fun! To those of you whom I tagged: you gotta say six things about yourself and tag people.

Sufficiency

What is sufficiency? It is an idea which I have had to ponder for quite a while. How can I say what is sufficient? Where do I draw the line? If I draw the line too harsh, do I set an impossible standard for humanity? If too soft, do I cheat myself and those around me?

Sufficiency is an idea that I have about life; specifically, I believe that what I have at this moment is sufficient for me. Should I want to change my life for the better, then I can do so, but it makes my life no more sufficient than it is right now. Is that the correct way to think of all of this? I think it is. If sufficiency is not permanent, would life not be a fruitless straining against what is for what might be?

Sufficient for me is a roof over my head, a loving family, a rich intellectual environment, and someplace peaceful to think and see clearly. Sufficient for me is to be able to let out a sigh of relief, exercise my rights to speak freely, and lay down on my hammock and think out my own future.

Sufficiency is different for every person, I guess. Some people are not satisfied with what they have, and they strive for more. When they reach sufficiency, they stop. I can respect that, but I also know that I do not know how to draw that line. Should I strive for more to simply attain what is sufficient, the struggle would not cease.

The sufficiency of life is sufficient for me, I think. I need no more than to live and breathe to be content. What about you?

The Date

Well, thanks for your comments so far. As I said, I’m editing the old post to include some of the details of my date (though you’re not getting them all — a gentleman doesn’t “kiss and tell,” so to speak).  Here they are.

We went out to the movies to see “Children of Men,” which was a fantastic movie starring…oh, who cares who it starred? We also went to dinner at the local Olive Garden, which was enjoyable as I got to know him a bit more. We shared some of our hopes and dreams. He aspires to be a photojournalist with Reuters, and I (as you might know) aspire to be a writer and a teacher. We laughed a few times, shared a few details about family and friends, and generally had a good time.

We watched the movie peacefully, laughing at the stupid ad-roll that Muvico puts up, and of course we cuddled throughout the movie (which felt really nice, truth be told). It was a great date, and one which I cannot say I will ever regret.

However, to every great story there is that sucky ending, that one thing that detracts. It’s the post-date depression. I wasn’t expecting to feel the blues quite as hard as I did. I’m getting over it, but, eh, whatever.

It did end with the promise of another date, which I am looking forward to. I just don’t know if there’s any future in this; he’s being awfully quiet. Maybe he is just like I was. This one hopes that is so.

Zeitgeist (or How to Tell Time)

There is an interesting word in the English language, one that I had heard but never fully understood. That word is the first of my dual-titled post: Zeitgeist. It is the essence of the current age; it is the slice of history still basking in the oven’s heat. By the Zeitgeist, one can truly tell time. The days, months, years, and decades are arranged into nice little slices of Zeitgeist for us to envision. Look at the 1970’s, where Disco reigned supreme musically and politics were in major turmoil thanks to President Nixon. Look at the 1960’s, where the hippies and drugs came into mass appeal, and became acceptable. Look at the 50s and 40s, where our parents and our parents’ parents remember the days of June Cleaver and the stereotypical American family. Look to the 1990s, where I grew up, and see the grunge culture in music, the baggy pants and the hip-hop phenomenon take place. Look at the events of those days and remember: that is the Zeitgeist, the spirit of the times.

Our current Zeitgeist is something to be marveled at. For the first time in recorded history, our society is within reaching distance of becoming truly global. While there are a few nations left that have not felt the power of the 1990’s internet revolution, the majority are experiencing the connection of the millennium: true global community. It was barely thought of in the former decades and ages; the previous Zeitgeists had no idea that we could globalize so easily. Today, with most of the civilized world attached to the internet, we are globalizing faster than we thought. Years ago, we could not see the other side of life. Our culture was ours; yours was yours. We never crossed paths. Now, on my blog, I’ve got people from Scotland, Australia, and India reading. They’re commenting on my very American, Floridian feelings and they’re relevant. It is not a vain attempt to try to empathize, it is actual empathy. We’re communicating as though we were next door neighbors. Our politics and our lives are similar, yet our distances are so far apart that some of us are experiencing different seasons right now.

The Zeitgeist today is one of global community. We can unify as never before in our humanity. We can feel the pain of the people a million miles away, suffering at the hands of Mother Nature. We can feel the pain of the people next to us. The most amazing thing is that these pains are nearly the same. How to tell time by the Zeitgeist is simple: as time rolls on, our society will continue to go global. That torrent cannot be stopped. Because of that fact, we are being swept away in the Zeitgeist.

The concept will get larger as we continue towards globalization. We will unify. We will see the future as better than the present. The poor among us will be helped to succeed. The less fortunate will be taken care of. There will be no more differences, perceived or real. We will be one. Certainly, we will have our superficial differences, and our personality differences, but we will live as one.

Long live our Zeitgeist.

Coming Out, Losing Weight, And Other Difficulties of Life

Alright, since I don’t have anything philosophical or geeky to share, all of you will have to suffer with some more of my personal life. It’s fun for me and you get to peek into my diary of personal thoughts and experiences.

Today, I’m writing about my favorite thing: coming out. Before you even ask, yes, I am referring to the closet. It is no secret to you guys on here about my sexuality; I’ve been open and honest with you all. To the world around me, however, it was a closely guarded secret. I put it on my MySpace and that was about it for local folks. Then, a month ago, I decided to start cleaning out the closet of all the old skeletons. I started telling those close to me; those who I thought should know. I knew that it might mean the end of some great friendships, but I was willing. I didn’t want to be a liar anymore.

A few friends aren’t as close anymore; shocked at my decision to reveal it, and shocked at me for being that way. It surprised me, however, who was okay with it, and who wanted to remain my close friend. I am pleased, don’t get me wrong, but I am shocked and humbled that I am so loved. This has been a wonderful experience for me, and I would do it again, even the nervousness I had in telling that first person. It got so easy.

In other news, as I said on December 31st, 2006, I’m back on the wagon dietwise. I went to the doctors this morning, and my weight was 186. 186! Needless to say, I was raging mad. I’m trying to be 170 or so, less fat, more muscle. I want my six-pack! I started thinking, though, that the entire thing can get to my head sometimes. I think I am tending to forget that not 6 months ago, I was 240 pounds with a 42 inch waist, and now I’m 186 with a 33 inch waist. I’d love to be 170 with a 30 inch waist, but I think I should count my gifts and take inventory of just what I’ve got, and be satisfied with that. I feel like I’m becoming seduced by the infamous “force of will” to keep achieving and keep going, when I need to be satisfied with what I have as well as achieving more.

Life is hard. School started up again, and my life is slowly gaining more difficulty. I’ve got five classes again, which are pleasantly challenging but not overburdening, but I feel the constriction of the noose coming down. Classes, classes, more classes, schedules, papers, study time, and more things that just irritate me. Considering it all, though, I’m glad we’ve started again. It’s stressful as hell, and makes me want to eat more around midterms and finals, and makes me nervous, but I wouldn’t give it up for the world.

All in all, I must say, life is fun. I have finished the process of “coming out;” everyone who I think should know, knows. I am getting into the swing of classes again; I’ll slowly pick up speed over the semester. Each day, I am progressing towards knowing myself better and completing my goals for this year. I am content. Of course life is difficult.

Your point?

Time With Friends

I did something unusual for me tonight. I went out with some old friends. Fantastic, wonderful, “I-have-no-clue-why-we-lost-touch” friends. They are really that nice. We had a million laughs tonight, and had a total blast that I forgot I could have. It made me think of all the reasons why I had given up on being a socialite; it made me wonder why I could neglect to talk to people.

I guess a little backstory is in order. I was an influential, charismatic member of a volunteer body at a local charitable organization; I use the term “charitable” and “organization” with the utmost of sarcas–err, sincerity, sorry. Damn Freudian slips. This organization employed my volunteer talents with the utmost of sincerity and respect, at first, and I enjoyed it. I was in the public eye, I guess you could say; everyone congregated around me. If I wasn’t there, people would leave. I know this because my leader always kept bugging me if I couldn’t make it because of school or some other reason, plus the report of different people within the organization.

One day, however, this all started to change a bit. Instead of getting the jobs I was damn good at (media and setup), I got stuck with gopher work. This is all well and good, except I was not provided with transportation with perhaps two exceptions. This became a drain on my finances; gas is damned expensive! I asked for reimbursement, with little reply. Eventually, rumors started to circulate about my ineptness at completing tasks. No one believed this, but report of the rumor kept coming. I wondered what could be sparking this; I was one of the best workers they had.

Well, long story short, it was this leader. This is pure speculation, but I think perhaps he was jealous of my popularity. Perhaps he thought that he was right. Either way, it led to me stepping down and leaving well before he had a chance to harm my reputation. At that moment, I think, I became more of a hermit. I started visiting friends less; I stuck to family and my closest friends. I think that underneath, I didn’t want hurt again, but on the outside, I started to see lonliness as something to be thankful for, not to be avoided.

For quite a few months, this was how I lived. I talked to my friend Alan, Bill, my family, and my few faithful blog commenters (read: Christina). I became a bit of a recluse. My poor myspace went neglected (and still does, occasionally), and I lived my life alone. I worked out, read, ate, watched TV, slept, and studied. My life was kinda boring. If I went to the movies, I didn’t call anyone, I just went. I lost the personal touch no amount of religion can ever provide; I had the kind of hurt religion could never heal.

Eventually, I resolved the hurt and the pain, and it subsided. I kept doing things to keep busy, but over Winter Break I broke out of the depression that had gripped me, but I kept some of my hermit-y ways. That is, until New Year’s Eve, when I realized there would be no one to kiss on New Years but my mom, when I realized that a good party was going on somewhere with good, responsible people that I could be at meeting people and catching up with old friends. That was what led to Resolution 8: Meet 5 new people. The unspoken Resolution 13: Reconnect with 5 old friends. It was also what led to Resolution 10: Get a date. I really want it so that next year, I have someone to be able to kiss at 12 A.M., Jan 1st, 2008 other than my mom.

To make a multi-paragraph venting into a “story-made-short,” I’m finally coming out of the recluse stage. I’m comfortable with who I am right at this moment, I’m comfortable with who I can become, and I am comfortable with who I was in the past. I regret nothing; I will live life so that there is nothing to regret. My past may have been rough, but it was my past. No one else has had one quite like mine, and no one ever will. They might be similar, but never the same, and I like it best just like that. Knowing that I am me, irrevocably me, beyond anything I may associate myself with or anyone I may associate myself with is just fine with me. My worth is not based on my effectiveness or my perfection but on my experiences and my emotions.

Cogito Ergo Sum: I think, therefore I am.

School2.0

    Ok, I have a new idea. This is a good one, unlike most of my other ones. (Don’t mention that coffeehouse on top of a coffeehouse one, Starbucks just patented it.) Why not create a School 2.0 like the Web 2.0? You’ve heard and seen this new revolution about mobile everything thanks to the Web2.0 protocols and ideas. I’ve even used one of the new Web-based operating systems, and they’re really flippin cool. I was thinking, though, why not apply that to school?

What does school consist of? Well, speaking from a college perspective, there are three basic parts to school: human interaction, home study, and in-class lectures and tests. (Don’t mention the bastard-child take-home tests, they don’t count. Period.) Alright, design something along the lines of a Web2.0 OS that is based entirely upon classwork: test submission, participatory software, word processing, information access, and PDF/eBook texts.

Test submission would go like this: For timed tests, or tests combined with lectures, there is a timer that is set by the instructor from their account. This test is available only during class periods. The student starts the test, marking and remarking answers using electronic checkboxes or forms, just like filling out an application for credit. This way, error is not possible because there are no graphite marks, and correction is as easy as running the scantron through a computer — faster, too. For take-home/time-unlimited tests, access days are set up where the student can access the test, and the test is performed in the same manner.

Participatory software has already been invented; now it just needs to be implemented in Web2.0. Imagine with me, if you will, the day when attending class is putting on a dress shirt (and nothing else) and sitting in front of a webcam, with a mic/headset, participating with the rest of your classmates, listening to the lecture live as the teacher delivers it. Say you have to piss. No problems! Just freeze the camera image, and go take a piss. No one has to know, and the lecture can be recorded anyway. Hungry, and normal school doesn’t allow food in the classroom? Who cares? Eat all the pork rinds you want, just be sure to mute your mic!

Word processing is simple. Use the current Web2.0 applet to run a word processor, with a small modification to allow for direct paper submission to the teacher from within the applet. After the proofing is done, with one click the entire paper goes to the teacher electronically, and a paper copy can be printed for records at the school. Instantaneous plagiarism protection, plus a convenient way for teachers to grade and return papers.

Information access, and eTexts, can be handled within tuition costs. The library comes with any enrollment in college, and texts are usually extra. Well, you can still buy the texts, but if you want to purchase an eText, or license it for the duration of your term, you’re at liberty to do that at much less cost to you. The school makes a hefty profit (no books to buy), the publisher makes a bigger one (fewer books to print), and you get a text for maybe 30 dollars a pop, less if the text is licensed. Perfect situation for us cheap-ass college students who don’t need to keep a paper copy.

School2.0 is a really neat idea, people. Please try to push it, and not this “Angel” or “WebCT” stuff. I’m talking full Web2.0, where everything is available anywhere at anytime. Not only would this increase school productivity, but it would allow a whole new segment of people to go to college whose schedules blocked them from doing so before.

Please note, I’m not talking about online schools. I’m talking about actual universities offering this, using their actual faculty and resources to run this. It would allow for a whole new breed of people and it would begin to bridge the international gap. Students wanting to study at Oxford would no longer need to go to Oxford; they could take the classes at home. Partnerships between universities could be established where if a student of one university needed assistance, and they were School2.0ing, one university could help the other. Intralibrary loans of books not available in eText could be done on a global scale. Need that ultra-rare copy of “Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy” that only the University of London has? You could send for it!

It’s the ultimate solution. School2.0.