2007 Resolutions Breakdown

Remember these? I wrote these at the end of 2006, hoping that I would complete a few. Here’s a breakdown of what I did and did not accomplish this year, and why. Just in case you were wondering, this post is more for me than for you, so sorry.

1. Get that six-pack I’ve been working on for the past 6 months. Didn’t accomplish this one, unfortunately. I tried, but life got in the way and I just stopped doing it. I’m so sorry that I didn’t keep it up, but there’s always this year.
2. Finish writing my book. I never even got started. I created my plot outline, had the story all ready to write, but I never got that cup of coffee and that good music going and wrote. Kinda sad, really, if you think about it. The plot outline is still hanging up. I wonder if I should just start writing and see what happens?
3. Read 50 books. Got to 35 or so, but never made this goal. Again, life got busy so I couldn’t exactly read as much as I had planned. Still, 35 is nothing to sneeze at. Hopefully I can make fifty this year.
4. Read 100 books. See above.
5. Get something published, even something small. Nothing here, either. If I couldn’t make time to write, I couldn’t get published either. Sad, really.
6. Take a roadtrip this summer. Nope, nowhere special. I stayed in town and did school work over the summer. I have a boring life, it seems.
7. Volunteer my time with a worthy secular organization (I’ve done enough church volunteer time to have a degree). I volunteered with my school for a good portion of time, and I also serve as the president of my Phi Theta Kappa chapter, so I’d say this one is accomplished.
8. Make 5 new friends. Done, done, done! More than five, actually. So I’m proud of myself.
9. Organize my living space for optimum productivity. Somewhat. My room went through five or six reorganizations. I suppose that’s a bad thing, but at least I have more organization than before.
10. Get a date. Good as done. Got two boyfriends, too, both of which were asses. I’m happy, what can I say?
11. Take a class in something I’ve never done before. Done, took Consumer Psychology last semester. Good fun, good teacher, good class.
12. Limit my television time to less than three hours a week. I failed this one miserably. I love my TV too much.

All in all, I got a few things done. I volunteered, got a date, made new friends, took a new class, read thirty-five books, and overall had a good time. Here’s to a good new year!

So Damn Weak

Sometimes, I feel so damn weak. I realized today that from others, I want them to work, but for myself, I want something for nothing, at least relationally. I’m so used to people loving my personality that I forgot that I need to continue working at who I am and who I want to be, so that I can become more of who I am and less of who I’m not. I feel so alive, yet so dead; My philosophy will be my downfall before it will change me for the better. Doing it yourself is so damn hard. I’m so damn weak.

As I said before, though, my philosophy is existential: I make my own destiny. Along those lines, I’m making a series of twelve resolutions, one for each month.

1. I will start asking the same of myself as I require from others.
2. I will break my bad habits.
3. I will go back to working out; not for others, but for myself.
4. I will be content with my life status, no matter what that status is.
5. I will learn about a new field or interest.
6. I will look at every person in a new light, and try to find something about them that is truly interesting.
7. I will try 15 new foods.
8. I will read at least ten books related to the upper society of America.
9. I will create a research paper on a topic I know nothing about for personal gain alone.
10. I will save one thousand dollars this year for a rainy day.
11. I will learn to cook five foreign dishes.
12. I will treat my significant other, should I have one, with the respect, love, and adoration that he deserves.

If I make my destiny, than creating this list will send me towards being a more rounded, caring individual, and less of the person I was becoming after my breakup. Already, the one habit that he got me started on, I’ve officially quit. I want to be better, for me. I want to be stronger.

I feel so goddamned weak.