I’m taking the time today to actually write a post. I’ve been inactive for too long, and I really need to write more on this thing. I was thinking again the other day, and I noted that I’ve been saying the phrase “If I Was” far too much for comfort. It feels to me as though I’m falling through the cracks as a has-been, or worse, a ne’er-was. I feel as though I’m not achieving enough, or rather, my self isn’t good enough for me. I’ve been through this before, but life goes in cycles, so I’m back here again. I’m not sure what to do.
If I was someone who was more secure with himself, this might not be an issue. After the two breakups, however, I’m more of a reserved person in ways, and open in others. I can’t help but think that I’m not someone who is good, kind, caring, gentle, and humble. I can’t help but think that I’m never going to be good enough, never going to be strong enough, or hot enough, or nice enough, or smart enough. All these enoughs will, one day, kill me.
Speaking of enough, I’ve had enough. I’m not going through this just to put up with this bullshit forever. I’m just going to be me, and if that’s not good enough for the world, then (pardon my language) fuck them. I am going to just be me, and let the world go by the wayside. Maybe I’m not an achiever, or a winner, but I’ve got my friends, I’ve got my family, and I’ve got my mind. I’ll be ok.
February 12, 2008 at 11:05 pm
i know exactly how u feel.